I just had a moment of strength and deleted all my games off my phone. This is no small feat, as one of them has been a slow slog of building my “empire” here and there a little bit every day over many many months. At the same time, it’s SO not a big deal. It’s just a letting go.

I did my little game fast. (It was only a few days, but it was long enough to go through all the little withdrawal twitches and let myself recalibrate the muscle-memory of how I pattern my days.) I let myself spend some time today enjoying them again. And you know what I noticed? They’re not actually as fun as I thought. Now that I’m sufficiently out of the Habit part of it, I notice that the thing that was keeping me spending my time there was just the habit.

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You know what’s an amazing gift to the people around you?

Stop being conditional.

No strings attached.

You may say, “I’m already doing that!” I can promise you you’re not.

We grow so used to the strings that we don’t notice we’re attaching them anymore.

And it feels FREEEEEEAKY when someone comes around and interacts with you without any strings.

But it’s also insanely nourishing, if you don’t freak out and leave.

Here are some examples of strings -

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I have this spiritual mentor/coach that I worked with through all of last year. (Let's call her "Heather") (Because that's who it is.)

 I took her “Golden Goddess” program and got so. much. out of it. The biggest really feels like a slow building of trust in myself, especially on the intuition and guidance side of things. Trusting synchronicities, picking up on threads and trusting enough to follow them, until suddenly my mind was blown by the stuff that we were weaving. I haven’t really talked about this publicly, but last summer, I trusted the threads and they led me to a little side trip to Miami to a sacred stone circle during an eclipse. I mean, talk about “crazy”.

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A week ago when I got my washing wand, I felt like I had just scaled a mountain, and now I was powerful! Free! Even more Badass!! <thump fists on chest like gorilla>

I was so thrilled that I was telling *everyone* about it.

Meanwhile, during these conversations, I noticed a weird little quirky sentence that kept coming out of my mouth.

For some strange reason I had this annoying badgering *need* to make sure people knew that I got it with a gift card - that it was a gift - that I wasn’t spending my own money on it. Super weird, right? I couldn’t let a conversation end without throwing that little tidbit in there. It felt like a strange form of Tourette’s.

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A few years ago I read an article about an experiment that determined that most people would rather give themselves an electric shock than sit alone in a room with nothing but their thoughts for company. 

That was hard to wrap my brain around - that we are THAT uncomfortable with sitting quietly with our own brains and no distractions, that we are so addicted to having distractions, that we will voluntarily choose physical pain.

The funny thing is that most of that madness that rolls through our minds isn’t actually US. It’s a product of our programming, our experiences, our habits, and our surroundings. And that it’s ONLY by sitting and looking at it all that we realize the difference. I am not my thoughts. You are not your thoughts. But we wouldn’t touch that shit with a 10 foot pole if it were up to us.

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Yesterday I sat down for a quick “break” with a game on my phone, and then was appalled when I ‘came to’ again and an HOUR had gone by. The thing is, I didn’t feel rested. I did have a bit of fun - I love puzzle games and always have. But lately I’ve been wondering where all my time goes. Sometimes I do get sucked in to my tasks, but this made it obvious that I also get sucked in to my phone games. After all, they’re designed that way.

I noticed that when I open them up before bed I will stay up way later and not sleep as well. I even noticed that I’ve been playing so much lately that when I closed my eyes for sleep or meditation, the first thing I saw was matching gems and little rockets. That was my real ‘Damnnnnnnn’ moment.

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This is what intuition looks like, an actual transcript of my morning.

After spending a long time futzing around on my phone, realize that I need to just go sit outside. Leave the phone inside, make a cup of tea, and decide to go enjoy the breeze and the view.

On the way out, a book catches my eye. Ok I’ll take it with me, and enjoy the tea, the breeze, the view, AND the book.

Open the book to the beginning. Start reading. Feel bored.

Flip open to some random page and start reading that. Sucked in immediately.

Halfway through a paragraph, a friend pops into my head. Ok I’ll give her a call.

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Yesterday was a hard day.

The previous night, a month after losing Meadow, my remaining nearly-year-old kitten came home at 2:30 in the morning in shambles. He was missing his collar, front of his face bloody and battered, covered in some kind of smelly soot, and wheezing. I tried to clean him up a little and held him while he passed out and proceeded to moan-wheeze while he slept.

So in the morning I carried him around the block to the vet, they cleaned him up and discovered a big ole gash in the roof of his mouth. She thought maybe he got hit by a car.

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I can be really obstinate. It’s a trait that runs in the family, plus I’ve got an extra dash of Aquarian Obstinacity to really round it out.

I often consider this when I look at my life and business. I believe that it is THE single biggest reason that I am still an entrepreneur. I somehow have been managing through sheer force of will, despite my inconsistent schedule and proclivity for whimsy.

There does seem to be two sides to this, though.

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Sooooooo I've had so many potential projects floating around in my head over the past few years, some of which I've pulled the trigger on, and some of which I haven't.

Today, I'm pulling the trigger on a new one - A PATREON page for #glitterbagolife !

I can't believe it's been a YEAR since I took off on the road on this crazy adventure. When I first started, I had a lot of momentum and was having a lot of fun sharing a weekly blog post of everything that happened. It wasn'tlong before I had "better" things to do, and honestly I miss showing up that way for people. (And for myself.)

So I'm starting it up again, but BIGGER. (And therefore extra accountability, because - let's be honest- it's easy to stop if it's just me in my own little bubble over here.)

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